我的落脚地

Self-reorganization

2012-01-05T18:07:00.002+08:00

Weird title~

What i mean is: to have a new self. A new point of view in my life.
I neec to "rearrange" myself.
I need to grow stronger,even thou im strong enough right now.
People keep asking me to be softer.
Wow, what a big challenge.
I'd never be soft in my life before. This is really what i need to learn.
" 当个强女人，不当女强人。"
Means I need to keep my feminine characters with me~

I'm thinking how to have a new life.
Of course i know i need to have revolution in my life,but how?
These are the quetions im been asking myself.
What can i do in M'sia? What i need to do to rebuild my confidence??
What does that mean to "bury" my past?
How to bury? How to throw it away???

Now, i can only sure that im gonna read books. I need some books. But which book? I don't know.
Myabe,I just need to have a rest. Having some private time in the house,where i called Home.
Planning to meet my old friends. We known each other for more than 10years.
I dont even need to think,their faces are already present in my mind.
They never leave.
I miss you guys,so much~
Accompany me to go Teluk Batik,alright??
I need sea. I want to listen to the sea.
But Im not sure will i have that much of time staying in Beruas....
I might only go back for 2~3days. So sad.

Looking forward to my brand new self.

BRAND NEW YEAR~

2012-01-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

2011 ended,and 2012 is just started...
Let's summarise 2011.

Wow, what a bombastic year I had.
I surrounded, accompanied by loves all the time.
Those from family,from 9-17, from friends here in Moscow,and those from M'sia,my hometown friends. And of course,from him.

But at the end of 2011,I lost one of them. His love is no longer mine.
I felt sad for quite some time. I cried for uncountable time.
But, it's all over now.
In this brand new,expected to be more exciting year 2012, I will let this sadness go away,totally.
I hope I'd not be sad anymore after this.
It's hard and kind of impossuble.
Yet, i'd like this to happen.
It's really hurt,so hurtful that if i dont do that, things may keep bothering me until the day i completely broken down.
So, to avoid such condition,i need to do something.
The first step is: Forget whatever shit he did,he said,he thought.
Thank him for present in my life once before.
In the future, just ignore him will make me feel better.

In another way is: At the end of 2011, I got MORE and MORE LOVE from other aspects.
I dont have his love, but I GAIN lots and more from others. They love me.
My friends, my family, everyone i know, LOVE me more.
Thankyou,everyone!!!I love you all too!!!!
Thank God to have these people in my life.
I'll be thankful and I appreciate presence of everyone of you!!

Thanks everyone for letting me had a fruitful year in 2011.
In 2012,Let's make each others a happening person ever!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!

In this brand new year, I would like to be more discipline~~
3rd year 2nd sem,fighting!!!!

Going back home soon~~Give me zachut please,teachers!!!!!!

2011-12-20T09:23:00.001+08:00

其实已经开始痊愈了的说，我真的很强，对吧。
但是，现在，这一刻，当我想起他时，他和她的脸是同时出现的，思绪狂飙。
让我只觉得，好累。
已经不是我该去关心的事情，硬插一脚的结果，就是那么的不协调。
我该感到高兴的，毕竟涌现的情绪已经不再只有悲伤。
累，是一种绝望后该放手的心情，对吗？
我很想知道他们在怎么样了、进展好不好、正式在一起了没？
这类的无聊八卦心情.
这，是非常犯贱的心情+心态。
心痛死是活该，悲伤欲绝是自找，呵呵呵呵~~犯贱的人类。

可是，我的祈祷真的成功了吧？
我说：这个月一直到考完Hygiene，让我有个平静的读书期。
我的心，真的很合作呢。
它把悲伤锁着了呢~ 不让它倾泻，也让我感受不到它。
好强大哈哈哈。

是累呢，我真的觉得累了。
爱他，居然会有这样的心情，是万万始料不及的。
但是，发生了就是发生了。交往了，就是交往了；决了，就是决了。
不要怨怼，不要后悔。

连天气都在为我打气^^
今年大概是莫斯科历年来最不冷的冬天了吧~
19/12才看到白茫茫的一片，好迟~~
不过，我是高兴的。
初分手时，我就觉得，在冷飕飕的冬天里，失去了他的温暖，我想到就觉得绝望、悲伤不已。
但是，没想到今年完全不冷。太令人振奋了。
我可以在受得了的天气中习惯一个人。
我，真的很幸运呢~
不过现实一点说，这是令人不安的天气，是温室效应又恶化了。
令人担心的环境危机。

明天又要去远远的，唉，希望不会冻伤就好。
请给我zachut!!!!!!!!!
加油！！

不宁静的心

2011-12-10T08:01:00.000+08:00

没办法平静下来。
一天看开、一天平静、一天悲伤、一天哀愁……
就是没有一天是高兴而欢欣的。
一个月多了。我的情绪始终处于低迷处。

我知道、清楚自己不可以再这样。
但是我不晓得该怎么具体地去表现，去达到我要的平衡。
每天闭眼睁眼想到的，都是一个人的寂寞和哀伤。
想念他的痛，灼热地烫着我的心。
眼泪有时候流不出来，或者说我不想让它流。因为我找不到原因哭泣。
倔强让我坚强地站着，却也让我脆弱地躲着。

每一天，周而复始地告诉自己要放下，要忘记。
但是只能短暂地麻痹或者蒙骗自己。
一旦放空我的理智，寂寞和思念排山倒海袭来，我感觉就快在风浪中溺毙。
一直想抓紧一些东西，但是我不确定那是什么。每天向sookyee求救，连我自己都厌烦我自己了。
整个人很烦躁。

为什么，我会把感情下得那么重？？为什么我就那么肯定他不会伤害我？？
我果然在自己的过分自信中跌倒了。
我不知道，该怎么办。我真的不想再这样颓废下去，我会拿不到zachut。
可是知道和行动完全是两回事，我还是在这里不事生产。

我一直想要再复合。明明知道不可能，却还是心存妄想。
因为我从来没有站在他的角度看这件事。我一直以自己的情绪加注在我想的他身上。
她说得对，我没有以他的角度出发过。
我一直不甘心为什么他不尝试和我沟通或者努力的配合包容？可是，天知道，可能他尝试过了，只是现在很肯定我们不适合。
所以要及早中止这个错误。
可是我却没看见我们不合适的地方，天真的以为包容可以掩盖一切。
可是，天与地，云与泥，黑与白的差别，不是包容就可以的。
我最大的问题就是，我根本不认为我们有很大的差别。我认为我们都是云，只是可能我这片云比较灰，他比较重，合起来有碍瞻观，但是不代表不可以。但是，这，只是我的一厢情愿。
可能我们的价值观，真的很不同吧。
这是一个我没有深入探讨的问题。

包容可以让人体谅一切的不配合，毕竟没有人天生一对。
可是她们都说：价值观一定要一样。
一个人在被社会道德束缚的人，和一个放浪不羁的反叛分子，怎么样都不能长久的，不是吗？即使再相爱，也会因为不能相处而分道扬镳。
更何况是我和他连爱不爱都不确定。他是很贱地说没爱过我啦。不过那句我们在一起的时间不是假的，我也欣慰。他对我的好，应该是真的。
我必须要相信，不然我一定觉得自己超白痴。

一颗不平静的心，时时刻刻想着他的心，痛苦绝望的心，悲伤哀痛的心，一再一再地告诉我，我有多想和他再复合。
我不晓得这是不是真爱。我不确定我有没有资格说出我爱他这种话。
但是，我很喜欢他。喜欢得我不想放手。
人家说，爱他就要他幸福。我明白但是我很痛苦。真的很痛。

时间可是冲淡一切。
但是，我这次却不能坦然地面对时间。我混混噩噩地过了一个月余，我唾弃自己，但是现阶段，我真的不知道我还可以怎么样？
我到底该怎么做才能让这一切不再在这个月期间干扰我？

我已经不贪心了，一个月就好，让我拿到zachut，漂亮地考完Hygiene.回到家我愿意让悲伤侵袭。
因为我在家里。我可以有很多很多的心疗法。
我现在已经订了23号下午飞机。
可恶，我一定要快点考完。得赶飞机。
其实这是一个很大胆的决定。
我得每天祈祷让我拿到Automat吧。要不然，考试也考好点，靠快点吧~ 救命！！

pathan is killing me........
I want zachut!!!!

Never be Persistent!!!

2011-12-07T02:50:00.001+08:00

Never be persistent. Sometimes things will just pop up in front of you after awhile.

I found the anime song I wanted loooong time ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just because i totally confused the name of the song~~~:p
After i gave up for some times, AMAZING. I found it!!!Life is like that too, never hold on somthing tight, it's time to let go, just let it goes.
You never know what you will have next. Maybe the better or the worse , maybe it comes back again, but we don't know.

Stay calm and be easy.
DONT BE PERSISTENT!!!!
Let it go!!! Let it go!!!! Let it go!!!!!

2011-12-05T04:28:00.000+08:00

如果恨可以令我忘记一切，我会恨。
如果忘记一切可以令我不再悲伤，那么我一定选择忘记。
如果不再悲伤，可以回到昔日那平静无波的心情，我要不再悲伤。
如果回到昔日的条件是时间倒流，我将不惜一切的换取时光。

但是，
时间不会再倒流从来。
悲伤不能带来平静。
恨意不能忘怀一切。

所以，不要再恨了。
不要再悲伤
时光不能从来，那么没有值得不惜一切的理由。
保护自己，爱惜自己，支持自己，拥有自己。
拥抱明天。

2011-12-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

It's just a profile pic.......
Come on!!
something lost, and something gained.

It's hard to let go, but I have to let it goes.
Step forward, my dear self.

This is the first step i took.

Wow~~so "rajin"

2011-12-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

Yea,I'd never been so hardworking to update blog/diary,but recently.
It makes me feel better everytime I tell,eveytime I write out.
My moody days.

If you ask me how do i feel right now. Frankly speaking, I don't know.
I'm not sure what i'm thinking.Im not sure what am i supposed to do.
Study, obviously. But if I couldnt concentrate, i am just wasting my time down there.
Nothing help. Sometimes make me feel even worse.
"Yea,right. I wasting my days thinking of him again.Fxxx."
this kind of things happened so frequently that i couldnt even have a proper mentally rest.

Finally I made up my decision to go back to home during winter.
yea,finally. Because I was thinking im gonna spend so much. I planned to buy this and that. And if i wanted to go back, i might have spend extra of my parent's money.
And it is around new year time. Bonus to workers,monthly salary, Food and everything is an annual spend.
and yet I wanna spend thousands riggit flight for 10days maybe 13days at most.
Omg. I saw money notes fly away in front of my eyes.
This is the reason that make me think for months.
And now, finally, I decided to go back.
Just because, of the stupid broke up thing.

I'm fine. And I looked fine too.
But,but.....my mind is going to be crazy.
Alot of ridiculous,weird,abnormal(for me) ideas came across my mind.
I was shocked by myself.
Shock,because I know that. I meant it. Seriously, if im not that kind of person with strong will and self-control. I will just do it.
Because, I meant it.

But rational thinking stopped me.
I still have my mind with me. And im not gonna lose them anyway.
I tried and keep trying to let myself think ratonally.

I can do whatever appears in my mind. I can spoil everything I dont like.
But,for what?
I know im gonna regrets doing that.
This is not what i want.
And this DOESN'T work to make me release.
Maybe i can feel better for a period of time,but that's not gonna last long.
So, Stop it! !

That's why, I wanna go back.Nobody say no. None.
Even thou i explained how much im gonna spend.
They asked to go back and have a good rest,mentality.
I know im gonna breakdown.
I should leave here.
Put everything aside and have a new starting.
I truely hope that everything gonna be fine, be smooth,be happy after winter.

Now, I still want him to come back. Sounded and looked stupid.
Im not sure how long that this feeling gonna last,but I hope i hope,I can get this over.
Remember whatever is happy and memorable.Forget whatever is hateful and hurtful.
I shall appreciate his presence in my life as a partner.
Evern thou he is not the right one, but I should appreciate the happiness at that period of time.

It is pain and hurtful now. But,there's a rainbow after the rain.
I want to believer that.

Cheers!!

心情小札

2011-11-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

人心

不要追寻表象平衡下的事物，
不然看见的只是血淋淋的事实。

不要揭开别人脸上的面具，
否则看见的只是一颗乌黑的虚伪之心。

不要尝试窥探一个人的真心，
那里面只有一幕幕的虚假与丑陋。

爱情

不要期待绚烂的烟火，
灿烂光彩之后，
留下的只是焦黑的窟窿。

不要向往细水长流的年华，
细河小溪承受不了暴雨的侵袭，
留下的只是沙泥翻腾的黄河流水。

不要期望山盟海誓的爱情，
当承诺被粉碎，
留下的只是无止无尽的悲伤以及
一颗黑洞般的心。

夜深人静时，心里总有无限的哀伤

2011-11-16T08:47:00.000+08:00

总在深夜温习考试时想起你的脸，在书中看见的，是你的脸、你对我的好。但是，也总在下一秒，她的脸也出现了。
我的世界瞬间粉碎。

要多少的泪水才能不再心痛？
要多少的时间才能忘记一段爱？
要多少的黑夜才能不再害怕孤独？
要多少的努力才能填满心中的那个洞？

就算泪水已止，就算恨意不再，就算不再害怕，但是，心中的空洞，却是在多的泪，再多的恨，也补不回来了……

为什么？原来时至今日，我始终不能放下这个词：为什么？
为什么爱着她，却要追求我？
为什么尝试了放下，却要再把她再度拎起来？
为什么那么努力让我放心的爱你，你却毁掉一切？
为什么我全心全意地爱，会遭到这样的对待？
为什么？为什么？

是我太放任了吗？我从来没有约束你再去关注她.
因为成年人了，该知道自己要的是什么。朋友、一个特别的存在、伴侣，我一厢情愿地认为你懂得分辨。
然而，我的信任，得到的是这种回报。
我不要你的内疚，不要你的亏欠。我只愿你是真心的爱过我。
但是，遗憾的是，你从来没有爱过我。你只是惭愧自己的作为，但是从没后悔放弃我。
或许是喜欢我这个朋友吧，所以你亲近了我。
或许我身上真的有着她的影子吧。

但，你可知道？这就是我，最深的痛。
影子。我的骄傲，确实被你打击得体无完肤了。
她赢了。
一个就算明知你有女朋友也不放手的初恋情人，你们应该好好在一起才是童话中的happy ending吧。
而我，只是一个生命中的过客，船过水无痕，所有的一切总有烟消云散的一天。
即使，现在我有多想念你，多想和你再在一块儿。
在想，我该怎么追求你。可笑。
天知道，不可能。

心，空荡荡的。
情，伤痕累累。
哀，如雾笼罩。
伤，等待愈合。

2011-11-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

我觉得自己可以开始放下了的说。好像麻痹了，不痛不痒那样。
可是看完一本小说后，那种心痛的感觉又回来了。
不，应该不时心痛吧。心酸比较贴切。
为什么会走到今天这个地步呢？
我开始想哭了。
我找到之前情人节时他送我的一张小卡片。很有心思的一张卡。
为什么？之前应该都没那么深的感动。可是现在看到，让我想哭。
难道我也是那种失去了才知道珍惜的人吗？
或许他真的曾经试着努力爱我，但是还是失败了。
但是，为什么？

今天我们追巴士。
我的球鞋不能防滑，我太害怕跌倒，不敢跑太快。
全部人都在跑了。我就很紧张。
他跟在我后面，然后上前扶着我。
一霎那，我真的也认为我们还是以前一样，可是也就只有那一秒钟而已。
我倔强的不去抓他的手，就让他扶着我。
我很感动，他不是完全不理我，真的。
或许这只是出于内疚，但是我还是愿意相信这是种关心。

她们问我：11.11.11 要做些什么来纪念。
那一刻，我的眼神黯淡了。
因为其实我上次在想，111111我可以好好的跟他过，因为我们本来就是在11号在一起的。满14个月。那时本来就处在冷淡期，我在想可以好好的再度唤起他的热情。
可是不足14个月就完了。
而且他说，单身的感觉很好。
我真的不知道我到底干了什么可以让他完全退了爱。
我可以完全死了想复合的那颗心。
已经死了吧？我不确定。不敢说得斩钉载铁，怕欺骗自己。

他们问我说，如果，比如说1年或半年后，他再度回来，你还会接受吗？
我答不出。理智上告诉我，我不应该，也不可以再要，但是心里告诉我，其实那么1巴仙的比例也算，呐喊着等待。
他真的有那么好吗？？不是。他很不贴心，可是就是放不下。
一天他还处在单身的阶段，我想我内心里还是会期待吧？
即使全世界都警告我不可以，但是现阶段，我真的很想念他的一切。

他的拥抱，他的味道。
在lecture hall里，他的气息一直围绕着，我意识上想逃避，所以我知道了，我心里还不能放下。
可是4天了，我都没有哭也不想哭，我以为我已经开始在康复了的说。
可是想到11.11.11,我emo了。

享受一个人的感觉，我已经遗忘了。
我习惯了他的陪伴，为什么我会那么眷恋他呢？
而且我倾心倾意，连自己都嫌弃自己不矜持。
可是小说、电视上最让人不耐烦的情节却上演了。
我爱你，你爱她。不过，他应该坚持下去的话，是可以的，毕竟她也喜欢他。
在他有女朋友的这一年来，她或许从没放弃在部落格上隐喻的留言给他吧。
我没去确认，之前不想，现在更不想。

我只得我曾经享受单身，但是那种心情是怎么样的呢？我想不起来。
心被捆绑了，飞不起来，也不再想流浪。
或许这就是每次恋情都不成功的原因？我谈恋爱后会变个人。
我的特质不在了。

有人说，或许他完全不理你，就不再那样亲近你，你才可以更快复原。
可是，我做不到。
光是想要和他做陌生人，我没办法想象。我们可以当朋友啊，没有问题啊。
即使好像今天那样，会让我一瞬间软弱，可是我比较高兴啊。
我真的很高兴他还关心我。真的。

这个星期功课过得还不错。
除了当掉pathan之外，还混得过去。
我为自己感到惊讶，也骄傲。

下个星期是非~~常吓人的一周。
Mon: Pharmaco colloq, Pahan Colloq (pending)
Tue：Hygiene Report
Wed: Pathphys colloq
Thur: (seem to be) ID colloq
Fri: (Maybe) Surgery colloq

If all the "seem to be" and "maybe" confirmed, I sure gonna fill one or both of it.
I know my capacity.
I'd never have so much colloq in one week before.
Gonna be a hell week. But gonna be a better week. I will recover more.

加油！
ps:11.11.11我该做什么有意义的？？

记：第6天

Well, I failed

2011-11-07T22:29:00.001+08:00

As above, I failed Pathan today. Expected outcome,but it is really unworth. The questions are so easy and i just can't answer it. Well, because I didnt study properly, obviously.

如果你真的不能放下心中的那个人，请不要开始一段新的。
如果选择开始一段新的旅程，请用心的往前走。
不要频频回顾，不要裹足不前。请昂首阔步的前进。
如果不能保证，请不要承诺。（说一次也就算了，一直重复圣人也会当真的）

用心的对待身边每一个人。
不要谁是谁的影子，即使一开始他是个影子，也请你拿出最真诚的那颗心对待。
如果真的是要放下心中的那个她，时间及对另个她的用心，是办得到的。
可惜，如果对身边的她频频示好，可是心里想的念的全是那个她。
那么，请做个了断吧。在你发现的那一刻，不管是交往了3天还是一个月、两个月。
请你主动的了结吧。
长痛不如短痛。不要利用身边的那个她。

是的，你爱过。可是不是身边的她，而是她身上有着那个她的影子。
公平吗?
如果一开始就知道自己放不下，你为什么要给她希望。
如果你尝试过了，为什么不在第一次发现不妥的时候，尝试理清自己的心意。
为什么要逃避！！！
火大。

其实我很想哭，可是朋友很心痛。
我真的感激她们，也庆幸在这种时刻有人可以拥抱我，可以安慰我，可以支持我。
不停的哭，不停的想找人诉苦，想依赖别人。
但是这太不健康了。
我不想也不愿意用一个“人”来忘掉别个人。
可是昨天我真的脆弱，读不下书，拼命哭，也拼命忍着不哭。

完全是偶像剧的情节嘛==
我必须要，我一定要会放下。

记：第4天

Colloq time without colloq mood

2011-11-06T16:29:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow gonna settle my path.anat. first colloq.
And yet I still trapped in such bullshit mood.
If I can't get this over,i would never be who i am again.

I'm strong, I keep telling myself. Be strong,stay strong.
Come on! Just broken up. It's not a big deal, girl!!

I heard a song: I'm still loving you-from 连诗雅
It's really meaningful for me now.
" I've given my best to you,and I don't deserved the things you did"
So, I shall love myself more and more.
Respect my own pride.

Like my roomate said: I am Lee Peng Sieang.
I can get over.
Well, it's really hard for me to let go of him.
He is such a nice person, but in relationship, the "nice" of him is the thing that hurt me to the max. A nice guy never forget a girl easily.
So, i deserved to be left here?
Hmm.......
really angry at certain moment.
But, I can slowly, little bit by little bit, set my heart free~~~

Pathan, I'm coming!!!!!!

记：第3天

2011-11-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

交往后一年的男友告诉你：果然还是想念以前的那个女生，那个甚至称不上前女友的女生。一个追求了将近5年却不果的女生。然而，这一年来的相伴相知，算什么？
这个新出炉的前女友该情何以堪？一年，确实不长。然而朝夕相处，感情进展胜数年。

理性上知道放手对大家都好。我本身也可以放心去自由的飞。
留住一个心不在你身上的人没意思。只有痛苦。

但是，我不再向往流浪了。我爱上被守护的感觉。
当这一切都消失，我，无所适从。
我还是不能习惯，冷天没有他的怀抱。
伤心没有他的安慰。
饿了没有他的晚餐。
吃不完没有他继续。
经痛时没有他抚慰。
功课压力时没有他支持。
这一切一切，我该怎么去忘记，我该怎么去适应，该怎么…………放手。

我不要，但是我必须要，一定要。
这种感觉太痛苦。
以前都是我打从心底认同，分开是值得的。
这一次，我真的好舍不得，非常的舍不得…………

有舍有得，但是我不真的，不想舍弃这一段。我不想。

朋友们的支持，我非常感动。
感动这个世界还是有人像血亲家人般那样爱护我。
这个陌生国度的家人们，我衷心感激你们的陪伴与劝慰。

但是，请原谅我的任性。真的不能一下子，好像你们说的：
转移注意力，克制自己远离他。
天知道，我在这一刻，就是这一刻，我有多么想见他。
多想听听他的声音。
已经半年多了，我每天都有他的声音和怀抱。
现在，只有冷冰冰的墙让我靠。
我，很想念他。

才分手第二天，可是每一分钟都那么难熬。
每一个小时都在想：想冲进他的怀抱，不要分手。
可是，我不能。要爱自己多一点。
当发现身边爱我的人越来越多，我更不能这么做。
那么多人爱着我，我更应该爱惜自己。
爱自己多一点。
我一定要这样提点自己。
每当我懦弱得想复合，我就必须想到自己那么的难看。我为什么要那么委屈求全呢？
他们告诉我：我条件不差，何必伤心？放开是为了更广阔的天空。
可是我自己反而迷失了那份自信。
我蓦然发现，我居然爱得那么卑微。
这是一段趋向不平衡的爱情。
放手，是放生。有生命才有未来，才有光明。

加油。

*记：第2天

2010-11-14T15:28:00.000+08:00

Once again I realised how happy and smooth in my life.
Yes, I had went through some difficulties in my past. But yet, I have my lovely family always by my side~ And I learnt something good from that. I grew.
However,there is someone in the world suffered in the past and until today, he is still influenced by those incidents~ He can't let go of that unfortunate.
I will pray for you,friend.

Yesterday,I failed my Histo colloq for the first time.......
I really stunt there, looking at her: What the hell, u failed me within 1min.S**T
Well, it's the theory problem again. I'm overconfident==
I missed the best chance to settle my colloq debt. haiz.....
What coming next week are Histo colloq, Anat debt settle day.
The week afte next is Microbs and Anat Colloq and "abnormal" Biochem==

I felt I have no spiritual growth recently.
I wonder why. Maybe I dont read recently, maybe I'm busy all the time and didn't "think". And the worst condition:undergrowth/retardation.
I stopped growing since I'm went back to M'sia, I think.
Too relax, and now I felt empty.
So bad.....
I want to find my heart, I want to grow stronger in mind, I want to pass all my debts.
It's so scary when we counted our pendings.
Hopefully, everyone will be better and better.
Wish myself and my fellow groupmates. Of course, my love.

Crazy-ing

2010-10-13T09:07:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy. Now is 5am, and later i have colloqium of Anatomy.
What the hell I'm doing here?
Online, obviously.
Recently, the pace of life was so fast==
Keep colloq, fail,retake,new colloq......endless routine.==
I loss my pace.
Study at every last minute, no preparing for class, confuse from the begining till the end of chapters.
I hate that...........

The atmosphere changed. I realised.
Whatever happened is happened, i dont want to comment.
I just hope that we will get over the stormy days soon.

5.35am A good time==
Study nothing,but brain is dizzy~~~
Wish myself all the best, Anatomy, I'll "catch" you! (~Cat chasing after rats~)
Jia you~~

伤。离别

2010-08-26T21:48:00.001+08:00

两个月就这样过去了。我知道自己什么都没做到。
说是要进修，没有。
说是要温习，没有。
说是要整理笔记，更是没有。
更可耻的是，我一点也不觉得愧疚==
好吧，偶尔会有自我厌恶。。。维持三分钟左右吧~
颓废啊，颓废。你怎么那么喜欢我呢？害我也不知不觉爱上你了~==+

倒数120个小时开始。wow~还可以看到100+的数字。还真的小小的高兴了一下下。
我在自欺欺人了，我知道。
要离开家里了。
其实也并非真的那么依恋家里。
我依恋的，正是这种颓废悠闲的生活吧~还真不孝啊~~
要从废材般的生活，转换回之前那种拼命的压力生活。光想就觉得害怕。
我很没用的未战先缩了。
超级不想回去面对那种生活。
更别论即将来到的anatomy and histology年终考。
我都已经把上两个学期的东西忘得七七八八了。
三个学期的东西一起考，呵，恭喜我自己吧~
我可以预见自己发疯的样子了。
但愿我可爱的室友们不会扫到台风尾而把我丢出门外^^
不过，我倒是已经有心理准备我的房间会有怎么样的低迷气氛。
好强的人聚在一起，好是互相激励，但坏也坏在互相施压。
我自认抗压力还真的弱得可怜。
是好在相当有再生能力。毕竟父母的支持真的是无限力量。

那天在老哥德毕业礼上听到献唱的“爸爸妈妈”张栋梁的歌。
感触颇深。那个场景，那个mv，那个气氛，嗯，味道对了。
害我迷上了那首歌，一直唱，我姐都快受不了了。
那首歌，每字每句都唱到我心坎里了。
“……偶尔我没回家，或工作到天亮，偶尔你慰问的电话让我充满力量……”
只不过我不是工作，是读书。
“……请记得要常回家看看爸爸和妈妈，简单的一顿饭，他们也开心很久呀……”
这句我想到的是我自己，跟家人吃饭啊，是我家的传统。可是在外面就算了吧。
“……请原谅我的能力不足，还要努力啊……”
唉唉。。。我兄姐比较有这觉悟吧？

我在不安吧？不安什么？呵……我不知道。
明白人家说，无知，比较幸福。
记得去年第一次出去，我满心只有对环境陌生的疑惑而已。
踏入第二个年头，反而更觉不安。
是明白了自己难捱的日子要来到？还是纯粹那股怕“兢输”的心态作祟？
我不确定，或许，都有吧……
我这个人啊，做不得大方，却也恨被说小气。
伪君子，约莫就是我这种人吧。
好想当个真小人啊。东方非，我崇拜你==

Exam is just around the corner!

2010-05-27T01:52:00.001+08:00

I was so freaking lazy for the past few weeks, until now I feel "suffer" as in I have so much things to do,but i have lack of time.
Next week is going to crazy.
I was so tired and understress looking at the stupid timetable.
Monday-Anat/Histo colloq.
Tues-Chem Credit Test.(considered final,because i DONT WANT to take final paper)
Wed-Physics Credit test (Considered final,same. impossible i'm willing to take fianl which in oral form)
Thur-Latin colloqium, (additional with biology colloqium,if tomorrow i cant pass it.)
Friday-Anat/Histo colloq
Look at the timetable, what i think is: CRAZY
I cant think anyword else other than that.
Im going to die with this exam marathon.
Tuesday and Wednesday are the most important things.I want and i have to pass it.
That's the point why i'm so~~stressed.

And now i suppose to study the biology for tomoro colloq,in order to get zachut.
But, but..............................the notebook is "gone". I dont know where's the book now.
Whom did i borrow to?==
I hate this feeling.
Asked the one i have some memories in my mind, but they said had return to me.
So, the problem is still within myself.
Crab==

Good luck baby~
I can survive!

A spring without mood of spring

2010-03-30T01:32:00.001+08:00

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it.......................
Don't ask me what am i hate!
Just hate it hate it hate it!!!!!
Everything seems damn bad to me. I can only feel my anger.
But I dont know what I'm angry with!
We called this as pms==

Well, it's spring.
Suppose to have an enjoyable mood after a long,extremely cold winter.
But............I cant feel any happiness!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What I want to do now is to ................................scream out loud!!
Yes, tomorrow got colloq, the next day have to prepare presentation and 3 control themes, the next next day got 2 controls waiting there, the next next next day is another stressful anatomy class!
So what the hack i'm wasting my time here?
I'm sure everyone must be asking the question.
Well, even me myself is searching for the answer, currently not available==!

Why am I mood swinging!!!!!

Winter Break!

2010-01-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

Finally...we get all the 8 zachut.
We can start enjoy our winter break! Hohoo~
I plan to catch up all my lecture notes. I'd wipe out all the "cakar ayam" which sometimes even me myself can't read the writing ==

Tomorrow, Keily and Sookyee will fly back to Malaysia.
Am I missed them? hoho,of course....................................NOT. XDD
They will come back soon. They have never leave in my mind.xp
Bon Voyage, my dear.

The rest of us plan to have a trip to Egypt, except Kate and Jun.
I hope she'd change her mind and follow us.But we w'll never give her pressure.
I think Egypt is worth to go. For me, that's a place that I can't backpaking.
Luckily my family willing to support me. Thank you,Dad and Mum.
And thanks my sis and bro for supporting and persuaded mum^^
Anywhere, we still can't make sure the trip will be carried out.
There are still quite a lot of things to be confirmed.
It's still a question mark to have the trip.

So....I have to finish the work before leaving for holidays.
I have to.I HAVE to. I HAVE TO!
Bonnie, let's carry out our dicipline plan!!!
Wahahahahah~
Suddenly remembered I have Philosophy final eaxam on 24th.
I forgot==
Thought can enjoy all the time...orz
Anywhere...............................

HAPPY WINTER HOLIDAYS!!!
^^

Untitled

2010-01-03T03:48:00.000+08:00

Seriously, i can't give a title.
I started a day with frightening.
Shouted at mum on long-distance call.
Sounds stupid but it happened.

About my parcel, I need to submit some documents to declare that I'm the receiver,is here.
The problem is 1-10 Jan is Russian public holidays.
And I missed the calls from the agent who handle my parcel,help me to take my parcel from custom.
My parcel is still blocked at custom.
If I don't declare asap, the parcel will be sent back to Malaysia.
And my mum will kill me==
Sure==

Tomorrow:keep calling.
Tomorrow have to fotostat things also.
I can't postpone it anymore==
Well, as my mum said,my bad habits--like to postpone my things, "act like a tortoise"
==
That's what my mum usually say==
I hate handle things that need documents.But everything go through that process T.T

Well, it's still a happy day anyway.
My gang cooked glutinous rice ball just now.
Proud to say I can make it.XD

Enjoy the food.

Suddenly remembered that we have activities for consecutive weekends.From 18 Dec till today.
Hoho.A wonderful hostel life.^^

New borned blogger

2010-01-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

2010, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

A new year, started with a new thing.
Although lazy as I, created a blog.
Should I say it's a revolution in myself? ^ ^

Begin the first day of 2010 with blogging, sounds great.
Thanks Keily, teach me how to create a blog.

Now I have a short holidays ,1-10 of Jan.
But it's still not the time to relax.
11 / 1 is the colloqium for Anatomy.When I can get all my zachut ?..............
Gossh ...... I got headache think about it .==

Forget about it for now.
It's New Year!!
Let's crazy over ~ ~

Wish you all:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!